Refresh and Renew Your Faith, Hope, Love & Intimacy
Jean Criss
I once wrote a chapter about The Road Ahead in “My Pain Woke Me Up: BLISS!”, discussing the pursuit of happiness after enduring four long years with an extremely complicated breast cancer journey. Actually, my story has continued on and off for sixteen years post-diagnosis and it seems endless. In fact, just last month, I had another minor surgical breast procedure. Breast Cancer takes you places you’d never dream of. Ladies press the refresh button with renewed faith, hope, love and intimacy that helps you persevere. Use strength, resilience and encouragement. Here’s a summary of my complicated breast journey that one may think left emotional and physical scars, and I didn’t let it get the breast of me.
DCIS diagnosis, bilateral breast cancer, July 2007.
Bilateral lumpectomy with bilateral radiation (uncommon procedures).
Allergic reaction to radiation required immediate bilateral mastectomy.
Bilateral skin-sparing mastectomy with reconstructive surgery.
Clinical trial patient (NJ) with Allergan 401C gummy-bear gel implants.
Twisted, burst and painful implant complications led to 4 breast implant set replacements first 18 mos.
Railroad stitch incisions on and under breasts led to depression and anxiety.
MRSA, a flesh-eating bacterial infection, long hospital ward stay, full body affects.
Breast Cellulitis 3X, a lesser version of the bacterial infection, just as painful and serious.
Fat graphs to correct the now, lopsided collapsing breasts pockets.
Ongoing ultrasounds and MRIs for observation of new breast symptoms.
New bacterial infections, C-diff, Seromas, needle aspirations, catheters, more surgery.
Angioedema, Lymphedema causing visible edema, swelling/fluid under the skin surface.
Food and drug allergies with dramatic lifestyle change, focus on smart healthy eating/living.
Breast Cancer recovery seems endless, yet I tough it out and forge forward, 2023.
After focus and many treatments, I can say that I experienced reprieve and solace even while in the midst of on-going divorce, corporate lay-off, and many, many complicated breast procedures. It seemed unheard of to undergo such life changing, life-altering adaptations all at the same time. But it happened, and I had to push forward with the refresh button. All I could think about was how to renew my life again. Change was on the horizon. Negativity was in the rearview mirror and turning something wonderful with positivity was all I needed. I saw how people can be cruel even while you’re not feeling well, no matter what the situation, yet I found strength and resilience to persevere. These were highly emotional times to pull thru and I’m proud to say I found inspiration within.
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During this turmoil, I endured many troubling things while maintaining family, household, two infants, juggling corporate media, business, travel, and a broken, abusive marriage. Stress has its role with BC. I recalled back as a young widow (at age 28), and never forgot about my first love (my beloved husband) as a newly surviving widow. Year’s later (fast forward) at the 20-year mark of his passing that Labor Day weekend, I set out on a trip to Napa Valley to make some bold life changes.
One of my local friends and I set out to visit another girlfriend on the west coast. While there, I recalled great memories with my first soulmate in life while touring the scenic roads and mountains of Sonoma Valley. I remembered how my husband tragically died in my arms 3 days after a horrific auto accident.
I remarried several years later, now separated, contemplating whether to continue in this abusive second marriage with the father of our two young children. It weighed heavy on my mind. This trip seemed like the best place to clear my thoughts. A nice place to visit, relax, indulge in wine tastings, forget about health and stress, for a moment in time. I enjoyed the trip as best as I could, as we toured many well-known wineries.
Then, one day, a man walked up from behind while at the winery check-out to introduce himself. He was assertive, very handsome and savvy. Apparently impressed I was familiar with fine wines and was shipping two cases back home. After some small talk, he asked me out to lunch the very next day. I was intrigued and very much interested, however, felt obliged to stay with my girlfriend. I hesitated with grave despair. A gesture, a greeting, a brief exchange of contacts, an invitation, and a commitment to meet up back in New York City instead. We exchanged numbers, and I tucked it away.
We returned home two days later, and I felt exhilarated after this trip, renewed with hope and inspiration. The necessary closure to make decisions for the better, for me and my kids. This trip became my epiphany, and I realized there were better partners to offer love and intimacy, no matter what was at stake. New beginnings meant a fresh start.
I returned home, re-filed for divorce, always ensuring the kids were safe and well-cared for as my number one priority, while I continued to heal from breast cancer, and I moved on. It was no longer about keeping our family unit together as one, unfortunately, rather, it was about happiness, fulfillment, and well-being. This time away traveling to California provided clarity and a fresh new outlook on life and family in pursuit of happiness. I found what I was looking for.
*****
I once read a book by Alexandra Penney’s priceless experience of losing it all in The Bag Lady Papers, a story about the Madoff Ponzi schemes. All I could think about was what I had loss to-date: my first husband, my breasts, so much time spent repairing an unsalvageable marriage, income loss supporting a lifestyle that was unappreciated while I was berated, disrespected, and constantly verbally abused by an adulterous alcoholic. I learned at a youthful age that stick and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you. Although the ongoing stress of a dysfunctional relationship caused great pain through the years, as did the post-surgical breast complications, it took toll on my mind, body and soul and forced me to wake up. I looked beyond my ugly scars, the ones I was told would go away in time and barely did, and found renewed faith, hope, love and intimacy, post-breast cancer on my own.
*****
It was crazy, and now I could not stop thinking about the cute guy I met at the winery. He got in touch with me, and we scheduled our first date in NYC. I was hesitant and thought why not, I’m ready! Having someone interested in me for the right reasons, seemed delightful and inspiring. Perhaps the timing was right. I did what I always had done, decided to take one day at a time to put zest back in my life. Going on a date was not the end of the world but a refreshing new beginning to something wondrous and new.
I learned to become such a strong survivor after all the turmoil and trauma I endured over two decades. Today, I look back to realize I adapted what I had learned throughout my business career with leadership, coaching, mentoring, communications skills, and more, and applied these skills to handle career changes, divorce, and breast cancer recovery simultaneously. I pulled thru indeed with the refresh button.
I became an Entrepreneur, an Author of a Trilogy Series, which seemed apropos calling it “My Pain Woke Me Up” describing how I picked myself up off the mat, each day, one step at a time, to plow through all this stuff. Every strong woman needs something to grasp onto and this became mine. Life’s wonders of new love were calling.
LOVE IS IN THE AIR
This music man, I called him, extremely handsome, smart, passionate, and a true companion – was there for me while I juggled new life changes with breast health, divorce, work/life challenges even co-parenting concerns.
We set out on our first date. . . he took me to a Ne-Yo concert, the American singer/songwriter. WOW! This was before Ne-Yo was at the top of the music charts. We went to a small New York concert hall and got up close with the performer. I thought, who is this guy? Impressed with his connections, I enjoyed the music and cocktails, dinner for two, Sushi and wine tasting. He opened doors, held the umbrella (it was pouring out), a true gentleman, things I had not experienced from a man in so long. It was an unforgettable first date. We had great long conversation and he listened. He looked deep into my eyes, held my hand at the table, and was not distracted by his phone or others nearby. I thought, okay this night is going well, followed by a romantic passionate evening, and I was ready for the next date!
I remember being so vulnerable, afraid to show my scars to anyone, scared how they might react to these railroad track incisions. But this was all in my head. He treated me with respect and like a woman. Kind and considerate. I was so overly concerned about my ugly breasts, that the scars would scare him away. From that day forward, I began to feel confident as a breast cancer survivor. My ugly scars didn’t matter as much anymore, just renewed hope for new beginnings. It had been so long since I felt that passion and chemistry. I was glad for the experience and knew my life changes had suddenly begun.
We saw one another on and off for several years and I very much enjoyed time with the music man. When he was not traveling, and my X would cooperate to change-up our co-parenting weekends, we would see one another when possible. Wine and dining under the city lights often and nothing seemed to matter but the moment. Charismatic, romantic, calm, compassionate, empathetic. I felt renewed with Hope, Love, and Intimacy which was long overdue. Though, due to busy travel schedules and relocations, from east to west coast, I realized this fresh, start was short-lived. A very sad parting of ways. My McDreamy music man was not so dreamy after all.
*****
This renewed fresh beginning taught me how to express myself again after all I had endured. I’ve kept my guard up, with good reason, after meeting certain men. I used to say that love is like going fishing. . . ask yourself, “Is he a keeper or has he gone sports fishing?” Steve Harvey wrote that in “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. While I never wanted to believe these words, I think back at Steve’s lessons about relationships and try not to fall hook, line, and sinker for anyone who is ingenious. It’s easier said than done especially when you want to lead with your heart but need to go with your gut in most situations.
Love and Intimacy is about honesty, passion, chemistry, and trust. If Hope is on the horizon, you must believe; if not, you must leave. I’ve worked hard to put humor back in my life after what I’ve been through. And like the movie “Catch Me Like You Can” goes, someday I will catch or find that soulmate, my McDreamy, once again. A soulmate is a best friend, a partner, someone who supports and respects you, the whole you, scars or no scars.
*****
No doubt, Love and Intimacy is difficult especially after bilateral Breast Cancer. Keeping positivity in the forefront is key to your happiness. Being exposed to new ventures, beginnings and change opens new doors with a fresh outlook on life with what the future holds. I look within myself, my newly founded sister-survivorship, and get grounded. I stay anchored with what I know, and as Elizabeth Gilbert wrote “do not be prey for love” in bestselling novel “Eat, Prey, Love”. “Find it and it will find you.” In the meantime, I am content about life choices post-breast cancer in pursuit of happiness. I live a colorful life filled with positivity, innovation, wonderful friends, and family. I’ve learned to drown out negativity, stay focused on what really matters – living in the moment, being healthy, loving self, and you.
Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses and when the going gets tough, the tough get going, phrases my first soulmate (spouse) used to whisper to me all the time. I Hope you will find Love & Intimacy post cancer.
Don’t Let Cancer Get the Breast of You! (my motto since diagnosis). Breast Cancer isn’t about the physical scars. While flesh wounds may appear, your mindset is a reminder to be vulnerable and positive about life and love in pursuit of happiness. Time and trust in self may be the breast policy ever. Wishing YOU all the breast!
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Jean Criss of Jean Criss Media is an author, contributing writer, digital media-preneur, tech innovator, and fashion designer inspired by family, life and love. Writing about positivity, personal experiences, and sharing inspirational messages. Known for her Trilogy Series My Pain Woke Me Up, BLISS! is the first fictionalized story about life, love, cancer, and the pursuit of happiness, followed by Legal Injustice, a story about the legal injustices in today’s social society, and LIVE Your Dreams, a story about entrepreneurship, innovation, and ideation (how to make BIG dreams come true). FLUFFY, her most recent children’s book, a story about love, memories, and family. All books self-published sold on Amazon Kindle.
CRISSCROSS Intimates is a contemporary post-surgical, adaptive, and active wear intimate apparel collection designed and innovated from Jean’s hospital bed and Made in the USA. Jean continues to create and innovate, write and blog, using digital media and ingenuity.
Press and Media Inquiries: info@jeancrissmedia.com
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